How to work with anger in a healthy way || EDUCATION + DEMO || IreneLyon August 31, 2019 17 By Ronny Jaskolski Related posts: Educate The Chaos || Regulation Before Relaxation || IRENE LYON Shock Trauma First Aid || Education EPISODE || with Irene Lyon What’s the DIFFERENCE? Choosing YOUR Mental Health Professional | Kati Morton Gwen Dolyn – Well Educated CategoryArticles BlogTagsaddiction anger angermanagement anxiety chronicfatigue chronicpain depression destress fatigue fibromyalgia ibs irenelyon pain peterlevine ptsd resistance somaticexperiencing stress trauma 17 Comments Anne Christine Starbæk says: December 23, 2016 at 9:29 am Dear Irene, I very much appreciate this video and demonstration on how to work with anger – I tried it – and it works – in a very grounding and natural way 🙂 Thanks a lot! I was wondering if you have a similar exercise to work with guilt / bad conscience?I find it a very difficult emotion process and I am not sure what to do about it (hold it in? Let it out?) other than being with it, which is hard. I my case it is a guilt / bad conscience of setting healthy boundaries towards my father and for instance not coming home for Christmas (as he would like me to). I feel that I am letting him down, and that I should forget about myself and that I should be there for him – the way he wants me to (avoid hurting him and his feelings). The more mature part of me knows that this boundary setting is a necessary step in my healing, but I find myself torn between these two positions. So I was wondering, if you can shed some light on this, as I imagine that many others might be dealing with this feeling during the holiday. Merry Christmas Anne-Christine Reply LoveToday8 says: January 1, 2017 at 2:45 am I'm working with someone who doesn't have many social connections. Could this potentially be used with a countertop? For example, gripping the counterpart and trying to externalize the anger? Reply Trish Thompson says: January 3, 2017 at 3:56 pm thank you for sharing Reply Radha Mistry says: March 14, 2017 at 8:51 am that was interesting Reply Karen Howarth says: May 9, 2017 at 12:50 pm Hi Irene. I found this quite uncomfortable to watch and also it made me feel very emotional and tearful. I feel it is what I need but I would also find it difficult to do! Thanks for posting the video though, everything I'm watching is taking me a step closer to your online courses 😊 Reply abstractswirls says: July 16, 2017 at 11:38 am thanks for sharing Irene. My concern is that could this anger releasing technique end up releasing too much adrenaline and cortisol? my body goes into fight or flight quite often which has weakened my adrenals. I notice that being aggressive vocally or physically like you showed raises my stress hormones and increases my heart rate. how can this be safe on the body with regular use of this technique? just curious Reply Out-Thinking Parkinson's says: August 23, 2017 at 11:34 am Interesting – I will be sharing this to my facebook pages. I have no doubt that people with Parkinson's are just as frozen emotionally as they are physicallly and just as important as myofascial [muscle] release will be anger/fear release [I have found guilt is the particular problem in PD though]. Reply Dorie Silverman says: December 20, 2017 at 10:23 pm What can you squeeze if you don't have a human around? Reply Lawrence Duff says: May 18, 2018 at 6:17 am To Irene, and anyone else that it might be helpful (hope she still reads these comments): I’ve been doing emotional processing for years, as a survivor of extreme violent and sexual trauma as a toddler at the hands of an alcoholic (probably blacked out) father. I started with what was called at the time ‘Primal therapy’, or what I call the ‘primal process’ (more about that later). I was watching and listening with interest to what you were saying in your videos so far, as I have been wondering how to be helpful to others who are dealing with trauma and looking for help, lately with ‘fellow travelers’ in a 12 step program, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and others in my life (seems like just about everyone has trauma, to one degree or another). I am fully comfortable with processing the most extreme, intense feelings from early childhood experiences, but can't expect others who are new to being present with their uncomfortable feelings to be able to do what I am used to doing, allowing myself to experience. So, the recommendation for new people to take baby steps in being present with uncomfortable feelings is good, I’m sure. But, my experience is that, as soon as possible to fully allow the feelings, even intense feelings, to move through the body can be safe, because the body won’t bring up more than we can handle at a time, though initially it feels that way because when the feelings were first experienced, at an early age, to fully feel them in all their intensity might have been actually life threatening. I questioned (from my personal experience) what I seemed to hear Peter Levine say, if I understood him, that feeling the full intensity should be avoided, only feeling it a little then backing off. Maybe, in the beginning but in my experience, there is something that is experienced that can only happen by fully allowing the intensity of whatever the feeling is to fully connect and flow; grief, fear, terror, anger, rage, or other painful body trauma, because then a full body connection (with the original experience, at the age it happened) and release can happen. But only when you fully cross the line, let go of any kind of control, or attempt at ‘regulation’ and the body/emotional body can spontaneously, fully connect with and release/express/feel the original pain. The characterization of Primal Therapy as “primal screaming” is not accurate, a misnomer, in my experience, though there may be so called ‘primal therapists’ who that may apply to. It is not ‘getting out feelings’ by hitting with a bat, deliberate screaming, etc. In a true ‘primal’ there is no direction of the feeling, there is a complete letting go, and allowing the feeling to have it’s pure, natural, spontaneous expression. Then it can be allowed to fully connect to the original pain, and like I said, an experience happens that can’t be accessed any other way. So, not a criticism, but a suggestion for experimentation; instead of directing the feeling, by squeezing an arm, or any other controlled expression, consider maybe starting there, but then when you feel connected to the stored feeling energy, and it starts to flow, to fully allow that to happen, to trust the wisdom of the body/emotional body/pain body/the Spirit in you to know how it needs to express the feeling, whatever it is. There is a line that is crossed, requiring a full letting go, in which the body, the feeling energy takes over and begins to flow spontaneously, and we just are completely present with it, and witness it, but are also fully emotionally connected. Practically speaking, it would mean (at the point the feeling starts to flow, or from the start), lying down on a mattress (on the floor ideally, ideally in a semi at least, soundproof setting) to let the body move however it needs to move, and make whatever spontaneous sounds it needs to make. Usually a real ‘primal’ (full body connection to original pain) is characterized by talking in the vocabulary of whatever age the feeling originates. Or, if it’s preverbal, just whatever sounds a pre-verbal infant would spontaneously make to express the truth of the pain. It will flow, as you said in another video, like a wave (a great metaphor, that came to me as well) that rises, breaks, and then dissipates on the shore. We just flow with it, or ride it, as you said, completely letting go into the experience. The feeling energy may be very intense, or subtle, or anywhere in between, but we can trust that our body/emotional body won’t bring up more than we can handle at a time, and it will pass/dissipate when it completes itself, usually in a relatively short time, but it's best to allow open ended time to rest and assimilate afterwards. The wave may rise again (or a few more times) in a little while before it comes to resolution for that day/session. The fear that precedes feeling intense feelings begins to recede after more experience of this kind of direct processing of feelings. Most people probably need someone to be present with them who can be present with the expression of intense feelings (if that’s the form it needs to take). I started with people (facilitators), but later (within a year or two) learned that it was safe to do on my own, as needed. Would be happy to communicate more with anyone interested. Reply Robyn James says: August 29, 2018 at 8:39 pm cant get the links where can I access them please Reply Horge Condaliza says: October 3, 2018 at 6:31 pm Hey Irene I was wondering if you had exercises like this in your program for sadness? Reply achille lalonde says: October 9, 2018 at 11:46 pm Thank you for sharing you're and Peter's work with us. Interesting notion to do this with a person rather than an inanimate object. That being said it would seem important to look to be as aware as possible as to any undercurrents of unexpressed emotions towards the person who one partners with in this exercise. …it would seem important to acknowledge that the anger that is triggered or arises within us has essentially nothing to do with that which triggered it; has nothing to do with an other person, their actions, or the ants. That the only issue within that which you labelled as an ant 'problem', is the expectation that something be different than it is. As Byron Katie, (an other very insightful life coach @ the work.com), points out, "any time you argue with what is you lose, only a hundred percent of the time". What is simply is, and everything else we may have going on about it is essentially our story about what is or isn't. However, as you point to in your material; we can utilize these 'challenges' and that which they evoke, as a gateway to brining awareness to that which lies in the shadows of our awareness, as well as a means to move that which remains unexpressed; and lodged in our systems. Blessings on your work; with 'yourself' and with 'others'. Reply Presence and Practice says: October 20, 2018 at 4:26 am Excellent Irene!My wife and I are sharing these videos. Reply Tree Tree says: November 25, 2018 at 7:33 pm why would you take your anger out on your husband's arm? my violent ex use to squeeze my arm. No this is weird. Reply Linda says: December 30, 2018 at 12:55 am I am so glad I found you Reply Evan Nicholls says: March 7, 2019 at 3:52 am Nice work Irene… Reply Claudia Bothner says: August 15, 2019 at 12:15 pm luxury issue… what happens when more and more severe , ongoing traumas, mistreatments don't get release, will i die? i dont get how i'm still alive and await heart attack any time ot´r nervous real breakdown and fear being wrongfully forced into u know where, which is so dangerous to aspergerians. please reply. i dont know anýone stable warm to do this with, ppl seem hate me or are too sick themselves to be a supprt. there should be help for active maltreatments, where how? evrýone dr etc demands stable behaviour no matter how unsuitably they themselves behave tome, which demands healing. before having got help to heal… Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. 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